Cursed

story taken down

*blinks*

Well, your word variation isn't as well in the first bit of each sentence.
The word "I" comes up quite a bit, repeating itself over and over again.When you mentioned the shelf near the begging, you used the same word. Now, using the same words isn't bad, but when you use the closely together, the reader might get a slight pang of annoyance.

Even still, I liked it. I truly wonder what is going to happen.

hmmm i didn't notice.....i have yet to go over it so i'll keep that in mind when i do, i agree it does get annoying
Thanks!

Grammatically,just use a few more commas and watch out for things like the "Although despite". Nitpickiness.
What dose the librarian look like? Or the shelves? The book was a fine description, but even a little more detail would have been all right. What is the librarian normally like, and are there people around?
Ya know somethin' a-gonna be happenin' wi' dat book, right? The reader knows that after the librarian takes it away. Be a little more subtle in the way you say "this book is gonna do some crazy shibaggen", like when the librarian says "You don't want this book, Finn." That line has been used too much; think of a different way to say it.
Off topic- The 'Fianna' was a group of Irish heroes, and one of them was named Finn McCool. Really. I was just brightened a wee bit to see an old Irish name included in your story.

*mutters under breath*


Amazingly, he's right. At least something will challenge my brain more than 2b's codes...

Haha yes I love the name Finn, I think it's cute And thanks for the input it's really helpful, I'll work on it

Well I know I have enough to work on with the first page, But I really wanted to post the second page as well just cause I think there is probably a lot wrong with it



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