Friends are the Backbone of Life

Friends Are Our Backbone of Life

When you are in trouble or feeling down,
Friends will pick you up and reverse your frown.
Side-by-side, an inseparable pair,
How much they have in common, and what they share.

But what if all of that turned around,
A full one-eighty and completely drowned.
Unfortunately some friendships end like this,
Not with love, care and bliss.

One cold winter day when school was out,
The snow pounding viciously with a fight about.
Between two buddies, partners, twins,
An eruption erupts, and it begins.

The two argue with anger and force,
It will not end well-- with a divorce.
It then turns physical with slaps and fists,
Punches and kicks, and hits that exist.

There’s no stopping here; it’s all over.
The friendship, the laughter, the game Red Rover.
Nothing is left except an empty heart,
He has left me torn apart.

I cannot bear this any longer.
I have to be brave-- brave and stronger.
I can make this up, whatever I did,
Bring us back together, and seal the lid.

I go up to him, but he won’t forgive,
I take a deep breath, and cry to live.
Friends our the backbone of our life.
But mine has been crushed, with a dagger and knife.

Years from now I will forget about it all,
But I know in my heart that what I saw
Will not go away forever, no sir.
But I must recover from this blur.

Friends are our backbone of life.

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Just a poem I created a minute ago.

Mmkay, just a couple little things that bugged me. xD

"Not with love, caring and bliss."
I think that "caring" should be "care". It flows better there.

"An eruption erupts, and it begins."
The flow is off here. It's also very repetitive. Try changing the second "erupts".

"It will not end well- with a divorce."
Personally, I would have put "well -- with". The one hyphen doesn't have the same effect as the two with a space. It seems more like it was accidentally thrown in there. If you want to stay away with hyphens altogether, "well; with a divorce" would work. Or a comma. Any one of these three ways would work just fine, in my opinion.

"I have to be brave, brave and stronger."
You need another comma after the second "brave". Speaking of the second brave, I would maybe consider replacing it with another word. Yeah, it puts more emphasis on it to repeat it, but I'm still not so sure about it.

Nice poem, by the by.

Thanks.

Suggestion #1- I'm torn on this one. Both of them sound fluent. Both of them make sense I think. I'll change it because I'm sure your right but bith seem to flow. Ahh well.

Suggestion #2- I actually put it that way on purpose. But what could I've put? explodes?

Suggestion #3- Good idea.

Suggestion #4- Yeah. This is the line that i thought about forEVER. I'm not so sure how to change it, so I'm-a-gunna leave it like that for now, but thanks for the concern. Maybe I'm not to hot on comma rules right now (Blame the summer), but why must there be a comma after the second "brave"? Just wondering....

Thanks!

Suggestion One-- I just say that because I think that either all of it should end with "ing" or none of it should. xD It throws it off a bit to have a combination.

Suggestion Two-- I looked back at it. There isn't much to fix it with. xD It sounds okay, on second reading.

Suggestion Four-- When you make a list, there needs to be a comma after each item. Which includes the word before 'and'.
Examples: "Cats, dogs, and rabbits." "Guitars, ukuleles, and banjos."

Suggestion #4- Oookay. I see your point. However, I wasn't making it into a series or 3 or more. I now see my mistake- I have to put a hyphan. (Or two FTW! ) Using a comma was.... unnessasary for the matter. Thanks!

Suggestion Four-- Okay, I see what you did to change it. Let me just quote it here. xD It makes it easier for me to critique sometimes when I type it out.

"I have to be brave-- brave and stronger."

It sounds a bit better now, less repetitive. But it's still off. Maybe try

"I have to be brave-- braver and stronger."

Again, this goes back to my keep all the things the same. It keeps the flow better here. And, again, it doesn't sound as repetitive.

Ahh... good point. Either that or I could chang it to "I have to be brave-- brave and strong." Okayy... thats a toughy.

"I have to be brave-- brave and strong."
"I have to be brave-- braver and stronger."

Hmm... personally, I like the last one, but I'm so glad you pointed out the tense of the verb. Other wise... (Scene of an F-42 plane spiraling down to the ground) Okay, maybe a bit exegerated, but thanks anyways!

Both of those sound good.
The repetition in the first one actually flows rather smoothly when you took off the 'er'.
The second one draws the two verbs out to a larger extent, of which traits show up in the stanzas after this.
I'd say that it doesn't matter which one of these you pick, as they'd both go nicely into the poem. You just have to consider their up-sides and down-sides.