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On the outside

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Hazel
OliviaLuna
6 posters

Writers Club Forum :: Writers Club :: Poetry

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On the outside Empty On the outside

Post by OliviaLuna Wed Jun 04, 2008 3:22 am

I stand on the outside
I dont ever look in
I know my place
My right of way
On the ouside I will stay

Im not the one they look at
I dont cheer for the team
I dont dance
I dont sing
I dont do anything
I just stand on the outside

I'm the untuchable prize
the one everyone wants
the one no one can get
the freek
the monster
but also the queen

Im temtation
Im boundries
I stay in my place
and I put you in yours

Its no use trying
Im taken
Spaced out
Gone
Im not here

Im on the other side
Never will I look in
Never will I see you
Never will I know you

You know its true
You wouldn't cross
Not to the other side
Not to my side

I'd dare you
But it'd be a waist of your time
No use
Im to far
To far away
To far on the other side
To far for you....... Twisted Evil
OliviaLuna
OliviaLuna
Learning Writer

Number of posts : 8
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Points 2.0 : 0
Registration date : 2008-06-02

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Post by Hazel Wed Jun 04, 2008 7:52 am

I like the last stanza the best (nice touch at the very end too). great job!! Very Happy
Hazel
Hazel
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Post by BPahl88 Wed Jun 04, 2008 1:05 pm

I like the first two stanzas and the last on as well. I think that you spelled untouchable. You spelled it untuchable. By other than that, I think it's great! Colorful


Last edited by BPahl88 on Wed Jun 04, 2008 3:42 pm; edited 1 time in total
BPahl88
BPahl88
Dang, this user has a lot of posts....
Dang, this user has a lot of posts....

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Post by OliviaofBolivia Wed Jun 04, 2008 2:37 pm

you never told me you c ould write like this! this is a greatr poem! You should write more like this!
OliviaofBolivia
OliviaofBolivia
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Post by Darklady Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:39 pm

Aside from a few spelling errors, this is really good!
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Darklady
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Post by Moonlite Knight Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:25 pm

I agree with everyone else, that was really good. I espically loved the last two stanzas. Very Happy
Moonlite Knight
Moonlite Knight
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